Thursday, December 30, 2010


i realized this last weekend that i am now a mother to a full blown toddler.
it occurred to me as i watched my cousin katy's face contort in HORROR as she watched cash purposely shove a stack of books towards my glass, just to knock it over.
my son, everybody - so charming.

he seems to have switched to toddler over night - he's now particular about EV-ER-Y-THING.
he only eats what he wants to, when he wants to.
food that he scarfed yesterday is as good as dog shit today.
he must (must, must, MUST) pick out his own coat when we are getting ready to leave. the other morning i didn't let him (not on purpose, it just didn't occur to me to ask) and he insisted on wearing his favorite red zip-up OVER his winter coat. yes ladies and gentleman - my kid is THAT kid at school wearing 2 coats and mismatched socks. stellar.
he is huge on helping now - his favorite chore is putting things in the garbage (in fact, when he hears me blow my nose, he RACES from the other end of the house to grab the kleenex from me, just to throw it in the trash.)
however, this backfired on me today - he was 'helping' me fold laundry (another favorite chore) and he snatched a pair of jammies, took them straight to the garbage can and threw them in. apparently he doesn't like that pair.
he did the same thing when he was helping put away groceries - he took a box of cereal bars out of the cupboard and threw them straight in the trash (turns out they were really old anyway.) i'm now constantly checking the garbage for unwanted shirts and toys.

all that aside, he does make my days interesting.
when i went to put his clothes away today, i found his drawer for his shirts full of legos - no shirts to be found. (they were stuffed in his toy box - duh, that's where all little boys keep their shirts!)

he's an awfully cute little monster though.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

how was YOUR wednesday?

today cash refused to take a bath.
i woke up feeling worse than yesterday. (uck.)
it snowed (squeeee!) but didn't stick (boo.)
forgot cash's security blanket (whoops.)
dropped him off at daycare late.
raced to work (almost late.)
answered the phone for 8 hours (and listened to exceedingly dumb people all day long.)
sneezed, coughed and blew my nose until it was raw.
drove home, passed SEVEN pg&e trucks on my street (never a good sign.)
power went out right as i pulled into the driveway (DAMMIT.)
rescued my poor mom and a screaming, scared cash from the darkness.
decided to go to restaurant for dinner.
got to restaurant to find it packed, credit card machine had just gone down and there were 3 tables ready to pay (F WORD.)
helped straighten things out, bribed cash with fries and headed to target.
spent $65 (oopsies) but got niece's birthday shopping done.
drove home, pass pg&e trucks again (DOUBLE DAMMIT.)
pulled in driveway, still no power.
raced inside with our bags to light candles - couldn't find a lighter (apparently we don't own one - FFFFFFFF WORD)
ran over to mom's to steal lighter.
get back home, brought cash in, lit candles, started fire, changed into jammies, started a movie (thank god for fully charged laptop batteries) and snuggled on the couch.
took cold medicine, prayed that it would work (so far, not so much.)
power came on at 9:15 (HALLELUJAH!)

so really - how was YOUR day??

my cute boys on christmas - note the GIANT container of raisins. was gone in a week. this boy poops for DAYS.

Friday, December 24, 2010

merry christmas.

from our family to yours.

[[funny story: when i got our christmas cards printed, the H in 'happy' got caught off so it read 'nappy holidays.' this kind of stuff only happens to me, i swear.]]

Thursday, December 23, 2010

christmas wish.

all i want for christmas is for you to know how much you meant to me.
that i loved you more than chocolate.
more than coffee.
even more than shopping.
and i desperately hope that you knew that.

i love you.
and merry christmas daddy.
i hope it snows where ever you are.

be seeing you,

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

the power of no.

we're trying to teach cash the 'power of no.'
basically, that we are taking his no's seriously in the hopes that maybe he'll use them less often.
in theory? genius. in practice? i'd say it's 50-50.
so the other night, as cash was getting out of the tub, i asked - "do you want to put jammies on?"
he said no.
"are you sure you don't want to put jammies on?"
"ok - you don't have to."

about now is when he stepped from the bathroom rug to the cold floor and realized - hey, maybe jammies aren't such a bad idea after all.
and he proceeded to tiptoe, buck ass naked, all the way from the bathroom to the living room couch, stopping every few feet to see if i would pick him up.
two can play this game mister - no way in hell am i picking you up.

and then he proceeded to (happily, i might add) read t'was the night before christmas, bare assed on the couch for a good ten minutes.
at the end of which i asked if he would like to put his jammies on.
he complied.

when i texted nate a picture of what 'his son' was doing, he replied with, "at least he isn't looking at sports illustrated."
in due time, i'm sure.

Monday, December 20, 2010

i'm probably jinxing myself but...

this boy has been exceptionally sweet this week.
he's toned down the "no's," the hitting, the lashing out irrationally, the general cranky toddler-ness and replaced it with a sweet, snuggly boy that wants to help.
his new favorite thing to do is take things to the trash for me - the look of pride on his face is so sweet that i'm constantly looking for garbage for him to throw away.
i'm sure he'll be back to his regularly schedule crazy-ness soon.

Sunday, December 19, 2010


cash is a sort-of picky eater.
he won't eat meat (unless it's in dino-nugget form) and he's not a huge fan of green vegetables (then again, can't say that i blame him.)
he's also a snacker.
as in, never really eats a full meal (unless said meal contains peanut butter sandwiches - he never lets those go to waste) but snacks all the live-long day.
by the time nate gets out of bed on sundays (which, mind you, is only about an hour after i get up) cash has eaten 3 snacks. BEFORE breakfast.
but the best thing about this kid? he doesn't like sweets.
he won't eat chocolate (making the small exception for m&m's - but he'll only eat about 3 of those before he's moved on.)
he'll eat the occasional cookie, but it has to be oatmeal raisin.
and i've only gotten him to eat ice cream once.
giving this kid a treat is really strange - he gets more excited by a cup of frozen blueberries than a chocolate chip cookie.
not that i'm complaining - more cookies for me.

anyhow (and i swear, i do have a point here) we made gingerbread houses at mom's house again this year.

[[i'd like to take a minute to point out how kick ass my 'gingerbread' house is - who doesn't love a retro-style ranch home??]]

just after breakfast, i realized i didn't know where cash was...and he was doing this:

apparently, this kid likes dots.
a lot.
by the end of the day, every last one had been eaten (ok - 1/4 of them by me.)
if he were any other kid, i would have probably been pissed.
but seeing as this was the most sugar he's ever had in HIS LIFE (and he wasn't a monster at all today) it was just adorable.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

talking is for sucks.

hi, my name is cash and i'm the most stubborn boy around.
i'm fully capable of saying things like please, what's that, mom, dad, fish, up, what are you doing and lots more, but i refuse to.
because my sole purpose in my 2nd year of life is to annoy the hell out of my parents.
the look of desperation on mom's face says, "Job well done!"
and dad is getting gray hair by the minute as he watches me throw my 40 pound body to the floor in a fit of rage because he doesn't understand what i want.
so i will continue to only communicate with grunts and screams because, let's face it - it's kind of fun to act like a baby. rumor has it that i won't be able to get away with it much longer.
might as well take advantage of it while it lasts.

and if you hear me happen to say something in english?
don't tell my parents.
or i'll cut you.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

decorations by cash.

last year i put the tree up once everyone was in bed.
this year i thought we would try to decorate it with cash - it wasn't as disasterous as i thought it was going to be.
we did have to pry the string of lights out of his hands while he kicked and screamed.
but once i gave him a couple (unbreakable) ornaments to put up, he was happy as a clam (having the grinch on in the background didn't hurt either - it's his favorite.)

Saturday, December 11, 2010


amanda came over today and we decided to dye my hair black.
i love it.
and i'm pretty sure this is the beginning of a new obsession.

Friday, December 10, 2010


i really wish i was clever enough to come up with crap like this.

((and i mean crap in the nicest way. really.))

also, people have been wondering how the new job is going...i have to say, pretty fantastic. it's not my dream job, by any means (i'm pretty sure no one is ever going to make me queen, so i've basically given up on that dream job.) but i don't hate it either. bonus? the people on my team kick ass and i can't wait to go out for 'team-building margaritas' with them.

that aside, don't expect to hear many work stories - i really don't want to get dooced.

happy friday!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

tree hunt 2010.

cash was far more interested in running up and down the aisles of trees.
nate was hell bent on not getting an 'ugly' tree.
and i kept picking out trees far too big for our living room.
in the end, we got 3 perfect trees (one for us, one for mom, one for my grandma.)
and we insisted on paying the tree farmer more than he asked, because he's always so sweet (we've been going to him the last 3 years. and he always under charges.)

pictures of cash 'helping' us decorate coming as soon as i...get to it. sigh.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

week 4.

when i dropped cash off at daycare this morning, he didn't cry.
did you hear me people?
did i cry?
yes, yes i did.
but not him.
i think the end is in sight.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Sunday, December 5, 2010


we went on our annual christmas tree hunt (sans spiced cider donuts because ez orchards isn't open on sundays - dangit!)
nate and i were able to actually agree on a tree (he insists that i always pick the ugly trees - which i do. but i'm helping them fulfill their christmas destiny! 2 points to anyone who caught the friends reference.)
today is going to be full of decorating and cookie baking.
my favorite kind of day.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

thoughts on grief.

there are some days were i don't think about him at all.
and when i realize that, i feel like shit. i think to myself, "before cash and nate, he was the most important man in my life - how i have not thought about him today?"
and then there are days that he's all i think of.
the days when i can barely concentrate on my drive to work because all i can think about is him.
his laugh, his smile, the way he made me feel like the most special person in the world. his obsession with girl singers and airplane facts. his ability to never, ever seem to be cold.
i think about the things he's missed. the afternoons he never got to spend with cash. the birthdays he never got to celebrate. the movies he never got to see. the emails he never got to send. the hugs he never got to receive.
sometimes life is really fucking unfair.

for whatever reason, this christmas is shaping up to be especially hard.
i don't want to go on our ritual christmas tree hunt without him.
i hate seeing that blank space on my christmas shopping list where he used to be.
i hate seeing gifts that would have been perfect for him that i now have no reason to buy.
i don't want to be alone while i'm pleading with the weatherman for snow.
i want to be able to watch white christmas with him again.
christmas morning, i want so desperately to see him in the kitchen peeling the orange from his stocking - he was always the first to break into the stockings, even when we were kids.
i want to make this christmas (and every christmas) special for cash - but a tiny part of me wants to be swallowed up by sadness and skip this holiday all together.

how do you tell people that the one thing you want for christmas is something you will never, ever be able to have?

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

the coolest damn nursery i ever did see.

seriously.i want to live in this room.

[[no need to ask - yes, the lawngnome IS my favorite part.]]

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

birthday, crying edition.

a sick birthday boy does not equal a successful birthday party.
this was one of 2 gifts he agreed to open without screaming and shaking his head back and forth.

it was more crying and whining until we got to the cake:

dad is poison checker.

i'm generally not one for licensed character stuff.
actually, i avoid it like the plague.
especially clothing. HATE. IT.
but cash loves toy story. and all the other mini cakes at wal-mart were lame.
so i gave in.
woody cake for the win.

except...not really. because most of his birthday pictures looked like this:

maybe next year's birthday will involve less screaming.

Monday, November 29, 2010

as far as decorations go, this was a win.

i was a total failure last year and didn't decorate for his birthday at all (except for some balloons.)
this year, i wanted to make it special.
we decorated the night before so when he woke up, he was completely shocked at all the pretty things hanging everywhere.
it was the cutest.
sort of made up for how disasterous the rest of the day went.

in all fairness, he was incredibly sick on his birthday and pretty much hated every moment that didn't involve cake.
screaming, upset boy pictures to come.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

beginning another normal.

-- this new job (and schedule) has thrown me completely for a loop. between getting cash and myself ready to leave by 7:45, taking him to and picking him up from daycare, making dinner, packing lunches, doing laundry, washing dishes, grocery shopping, christmas shopping and everything else, i haven't had much time to blog. or facebook. or even tweet. sad face.

-- i have been to walgreens more times in the last two weeks then i have EVER been (there is one on my drive home from work, two on my drive home from daycare. ridiculous. also? they have a lot of crap.)

-- cash's 2nd birthday party was sort of disasterous (more on that later.)

-- dropping him off at daycare hasn't gotten any easier. for either of us.

-- i have the best brother in law in the universe. he replaces my light bulbs in exchange for tots. can't beat that.

-- speaking of tots, as for the restaurant...well, it's still there. thank god for janet taking up the slack on things i don't have time for anymore.

-- if anyone wants to take my recycling to the dump, i'd love you forever. and i'd probably give you some tots.

-- cash has taken his love of blueberries to new heights. he takes me over to the fridge, points at the freezer, grunts and signs 'milk' (which has become synonymous with 'please') every 10 minutes until i give in. all. day. long.

-- he also has become incredibly attached to his blue blanket. it only leaves his hands to eat, is quickly becoming less blue and more dingy grey and i have to sneak it out of his crib at night to wash it. god forbid if it's not back in his crib by morning because THE WORLD WILL END if its not.

-- i ordered the pictures for my christmas cards this morning and will consider it a MIRACLE if i get them out before new year's.

and this is is cash's 'i'm busted' face.

Thursday, November 25, 2010


this year, i'm thankful for a husband that knows how to build a fire and make me laugh.
a boy that likes to hold my hand and give me kisses.
oil in my furnace.
food in my fridge.
a paycheck with my name on it.
peppermint mochas.
snow in november.
my mom.
new work friends.
awesome 'not new' friends.
and this wonderful, blessed life that i live.

happy thanksgiving.

Monday, November 22, 2010


birthday mornings.
i love how everything around him (right down to his sock monkey) are still the same.
despite his silly, smiling face, he really hates the morning.
just like his mama.

Sunday, November 21, 2010


happy birthday to my favorite, crazy little 2 year old.
we love you pumpkin.

xo -
mumma and daddy

Thursday, November 18, 2010

kindergarten awesome-ness.

this is so cool.
course, cash would freeze to death since he can't keep a hat on his head to save his life.
still - outside all the time? he'd be in heaven.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

day 2.

i'm happy to report that today went muuuuuuch better.
he cried when i left (boy was watching me like a hawk - the instant i made a move for the door, the game was over.)
but it wasn't for 2 hours straight like it was yesterday.
and he was happily studying the fish in the lobby when i picked him up (as opposed to the screaming/crying that he was doing yesterday.)
there may just be a light at the end of this tunnel.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


cash's first official day at daycare was today.
it was basically a disaster.
he's traumatized.
i'm traumatized, but probably more than he is.
i'm dreading having to drop him off again tomorrow, suffering from some serious mommy-guilt about having him there in the first place and completely and utterly exhausted.
so tired that i fell asleep in the middle of writing this.
me thinks i should probably go to bed.