Wednesday, June 30, 2010

to heck with the first year.

i always hear people go on and on about how they miss their kids being newborns.
and sure, newborns are cute and little and...immobile.
and yes, sometimes i wish cash was little again, even if it's just so that i could eat lunch in peace while he's strapped into his carseat.
but now, at a year and a half? HE IS SO MUCH FUN.
no more 7 outfit changes in a day.
no more nursing or formula.
no more 12 times a day diaper changes.
no more baby carrier, swing, exersaucer and all that other random crap that you 'need.'
no more baby food.
no more newborn screams.
now it's playing all day, laughing, tickling and giving kisses.

i'm not gonna lie - toddlerhood is no picnic.
he's full of energy, runs instead of walks, demands my full attention ALWAYS, has to watch the same movie day after god damn day, throws food, throws toys, throws bottles, pitches fits, screams, yells, hits mama, cries when he's in trouble, waves goodbye, plays with his toys, rearranges the books on his shelf, throws things in the toilet, slams doors, pees straight through to his pants, gets strawberries all over his shirt, feeds the dog goldfish, gives fierce hugs, gives sloppy kisses, wipes his dirty hands on my jeans, pulls on my necklaces, shares his treats, laughs, giggles, signs please, claps his hands, claps my hands, snuggles with his blanket, runs barefoot outside and eventually, falls asleep snoring.
and that's on a day that we don't leave the house.
but none of that tops the feeling i get when nate brings him into our room in the morning and cash bolts from his arms to give me a kiss. or when he lays there, even just for a minute so we can snuggle and i can breathe in the smell of his hair.
sure - babies are cute, especially those newborns.
but nothing beats having a little boy to spend your day with.

except for the days he throws a tantrum in line at costco.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

the first picking.

he didn't pick a single one and ate more than he should have.
but it was still fun.

what was not fun?
schlepping him all the way through the field because he refused to walk on the uneven dirt.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

toy story 3.

cash --

we took you to see your first movie today.
and, like always, you surprised us with how awesome you behaved.
when we first walked into the theater, you were scared, clutching to daddy's arm with your kung fu grip.
but once we sat down, you were completely enchanted.
a couple times you looked over at me like, 'dude. do you see how big this tv is?'
you sat in daddy's lap the WHOLE time, holding my hand for much of it.
it was almost like you knew how special this trip was.
you started squirming a bit about half way through, leaning over to me to "whisper" nonsense in my ear.
when i looked at my phone to see the time, i figured you were starting to get tired. once i handed you your bottle and blanket, you didn't make another peep.
you fell asleep with about 20 minutes to go, completely oblivious to some of the loudest parts of the movie.
which was great, by the way.
your first movie? definitely a success.

and here you are, completely passed out after the movie.
we love you, little pumpkin.

xo -- mumma.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

less than relaxing.

we have a busy, busy weekend ahead.
the good news? it's finally warm out.

Friday, June 25, 2010

apocalypse bug.

last week, almost sat in a big pile of ants. like, huge pile.
almost died, then decided will not let them win.
one giant can of bug spray later, turned our patio into a pool of poison.
decided should probably hose it off so that cash doesn't inadvertently ingest some of it and grow a third arm.
hosed off the patio, delighted in watching hundreds of ant carcasses float down the gutter.
screamed in terror when hundreds of black beetles came crawling OUT of the gutter.
aimed hose at them.
must be super bugs, as they were not deterred.
screamed and flailed arms.
squished dozens of evil beetles with flip flop.
have decided that am not a true country girl.
reason #758 of why i like not having any neighbors.
really don't need to be known as 'that crazy lady who screams maniacally as she wields a giant can of bug spray screaming, "DIE MOTHERFUCKERS, DIE!"

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Why getting a symbol from a video game as a tattoo is never a good idea.

So one of our employees came into work today, proudly displaying fresh ink on his arm:

“Check it out, guys!”
“What does it mean?”
“’s a symbol from a video means assassin. And I’m totally an assassin.”

Heh. Heh heh.

“Uh huh – sure you are dude.”

There are two frighteningly wrong things about this picture: 1 - I actually pay this kid. And 2 - this kid is a voting citizen. If that doesn’t strike fear into your heart, I don’t know what will. (Is this a good point to tell you he recently died his hair blue? Like, Smurf blue. Clearly his decision making skills are SUPER.)

[[Sidenote: What color does a Smurf turn when you choke him? Just wondering…]]

I don’t know how to break it to him that this isn’t exactly going to help him get laid. Because what’s sexier than having a video game symbol tattooed on your arm?

Monday, June 21, 2010

the wedding video.

videos from the wedding have finally surfaced - let's just say they weren't high on my priority list to track down (and for those keeping track, no i HAVEN'T gotten my name changed on my license yet. it's on the to-do list, ok? get off my back.) and it wasn't on janet's either (but a big fat THANK YOU to her for saying, hey - did i ever get you a copy of the wedding videos?)
i watched a few snippets while i was at work today (thanks for all those butt shots, buck. ps - zooming in on my sisters ass? NOT COOL. i don't care if it was unintentional. just saying.)
and, aside from realizing just how much thinner we were before opening a damn restaurant, i took one thing away from it: i have to get married again.
while the day was pretty close to perfect (screaming 8 month old and 102 degree weather aside) i can't get over the fact that i didn't love my dress.
sure, i liked it ok. and you couldn't beat the price (hello, $175 + gas to drive to portland!)
but i didn't love it. it didn't make me feel gorgeous. and every other picture i have from that day makes me cringe because i feel like it highlighted my 'not so flat after having a baby' stomach.
so to sum up: the next time i get married, i'm getting the dress of my dreams. and i'm having it in october because that's my favorite time of year (and my family owns a pumpkin patch - how perfect is that?) and i really think it would be awesome if cash wore a pirate costume instead of a suit.
hopefully nate's ok with it - if not, i can always him trade in, right? :]

Sunday, June 20, 2010

dear dad.

thank you for making me do my chores and get out of bed before nine.
thank you for telling me you loved me every day.
thank you for those silly emails that kept me smiling at work.
and thank you for the emails that made me think. or made me mad (and there were plenty!)
thank you for nicknaming me pumpkin.
thank you for sharing your loves of explosives with me.
thank you for catching frogs for me to keep as pets.
and thank you for always agreeing to take me to see girly movies (like spiceworld.)
thank you for explaining the difference between phillips and flat head to me.
thank you for teaching me how to stoke a fire.
thank you for always, always encouraging me to write.
and thank you for a million other things - you were simpy the best dad a girl could ever ask for.

i miss you every day.
and wish that i could give you one last hug. or talk to you one last time.

happy father's day daddy - i love you. all the way to the moon and back. infinity times.

and happy father's day to my wonderful husband - you frequently piss me off, but you truly are the greatest dad to cash.

Friday, June 18, 2010

the age of shrek 2.

we've pretty much watched shrek 2 every morning, for easily the last month.
i've yet to really grow tired of it.
and neither has he.
further proof that cash is exactly like me.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

bright lights and a pretty fat.

so i sped through jen lancaster's bright lights, big ass and moved straight on to her next such a pretty fat.
i really think BLBA is my favorite - it's all about city life and crappy neighbors.
and who loves to bitch about her neighbors? ME. so i pretty much loved every second. and it was just as funny the second time. maybe funnier.
i've since finished pretty fat, which was also screaming hysterical. this particular book was about her quest to get healthy and lose weight. and failing miserably right up to the end when she finally figures out the key to her success. awesome.
now i'm on to something i haven't actually read before: laurie notaro's i love everybody (and other atrocious lies.) i L.O.V.E.D. her book spooky little girl so i am beyond excited about this one (granted...this is a memoir and spooky was fiction...but still.)
AND jen lancaster put together her 'summer reading list' over on her blog - i'm pretty much going to read every single one.
it's going to be a good summer.
or at least it will be once the sun comes out again.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

off the wagon.

i've fallen off the yoga wagon. HARD.
and every morning that i wake up with an aching back and sore shoulders i say, "i really need to do some yoga!"
flash forward to later that night when i glance and my yoga mat and say, "pffft! watching glee sounds like way more fun." (sidenote: why did NO ONE tell me how brilliant that show is? i've totally dvr'd all the re-runs. also? the time they sang 'to sir with love,' i cried.)
i need to get back into the swing of things, otherwise all those pairs of yoga pants i bought will be completely for show.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

i could write complaints about this dog for DAYS.
the sound of her snoring is not unlike a mack truck driving through our house.
her farts can clear a room (who am i kidding, she can clear the HOUSE.)
she leaves dog hair and muddy foot prints all over my pillow.
any chance she gets, she wedges herself between nate and i on the couch.
and if you think you are going to eat something without sharing with her first, you would be WRONG.
but she's the perfect dog for cash.
she doesn't care when he tries to put her tail in his mouth or stick his fingers in her nose.
she doesn't mind when he crawls all over or plays with her toys.
she even doesn't mind when he puts his rubber duckies in her water dish, making it impossible for her to drink out of.
and better yet, she has never once shown any sort of aggression towards cash.
she may have the tendency to run away and is generally a great big pain in my ass but i? wouldn't trade her for anything.

Monday, June 14, 2010


nate almost always works saturdays, so its just me and the cash-montser.
i try to run all of my errands during the week so we can do something fun, but the last few weeks have been so crummy weather-wise that we hadn't really left the house.
but since oregon FINALLY got some sun this weekend, we decided to hit the saturday market.
it was crazy crowded, but they had live music (which cash loves.)
and i managed to restrain from buying cash this awesome wooden tractor, splitting a pint of strawberries with him instead (good, but not fordyce good.)
then we went for a walk around capitol park - he was in awe of the huge water fountains.
i'd call this day a win, even though cash-the-crank-monster was in full force after his nap.
i've decided not to hold it against him.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

2 pipers.

piper, right after a trip to the dog park. she's happy, happy, HAPPY.

after we took piper to the park saturday night, we decided to hit nate's favorite sub shop for dinner, leaving miss piper in the car.
2 minutes after we walked in, a lady came in asking if she was our dog.
my first thought was, "what? we cracked a window."
then she said, "would you like another dog just like her?"
and, without hesitation, without even so much as glancing at each other, we said in perfect unison, "ha! NO."
because having 2 pipers? would be like agreeing to adopt a hyena. or inviting the devil to come stay for the weekend.
so. not. happening.

Saturday, June 12, 2010


today i found a weed in our yard taller than nate.
which trumps the weed that was taller than me right in front of the garage.
you can add yardwork to the list of 'things we don't care to be good at.'

Friday, June 11, 2010

brutal, man.

honestly - i can't make this shit up.
everyone has this person in their family - the one that seems to attract crazyness.
you know, the one that will break his leg (in the same place) twice before he even reaches kindergarten.
or get run over by a pipe trailer.
or manage to get lost from his car to his cousins apartment (and spend the night sleeping in said car.)
have i mentioned that i love this kid?

so when i got home from work last night and nate said, "guess who pooped his pants the other day?"
"uhhh...i dunno...who?" (i'd like to say this is a conversation we've never had about grown people, but then i'd be lying.)
"your cousin."
"WHAT!? HA! how did you find out about that?"
"john told me." (he's one of our cooks.)
"how did HE find out?"
"caitlyn told him - apparently he was out drinking with joe when it happened." (cait is one of our rockin waitresses - joe is her boyfriend.) (and this town? is far too small.)
"BUAH HA HA HA! this stuff only happens to him."

and this is when i convince nate to text and tease him about it (and when nate gives the sage advice to, "never trust a fart.")
to which he replied, "totally ruined my pants...the beer was brutal, man."
my gene pool is fantastic.
and now? he will forever be known as 'poopy pants fordyce.'

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


there is nothing quite like having a toddler following you around everywhere that makes you realize how much of a cake walk having a newborn was.
sure, newborns walk hand in hand with severe sleep deprivation but honestly? i'm no more well rested now than i was 17 months ago.
not exactly encouraging for you expecting moms out there, but i'm just going to level with you: there's a reason you give birth to a helpless lump that doesn't require anything but food and butt changes - you won't be able to handle more than that.
that being said, i would keep my crazy little toddler over a newborn any day of the week.
sure, sometimes it's like trying to dress an octopus. or living with a rabid pack of dogs. or brushing the teeth of a shark.
but still. it's pretty awesome.
nothing beats a fierce leg hug at 90 miles an hour. or a slimy, open mouthed 'apology kiss' for being naughty.

[[i love how you can see cash's ever present snack cup of goldfish in his pudgy little hands. he cannot survive without his goldfish.]] [[and don't mind the dead plants - they've been sitting their dead for over a year. i'm stellar at keeping plants alive.]]

Monday, June 7, 2010

spooky little girl.

BEST book i've read in a long time.
i read half of it in bed saturday night, staying wayyyyy past what i should have.
and had the rest of it read by sunday night.
honestly - it was amazing. hilarious. sweet. and the ending totally made me cry.
read it - you won't be disappointed.
i can't wait to read it again.

this is the first book i've read that made me want to email dad about it the second i put it down.
which is probably why the ending made me cry so much.
there is just no explaining how much i miss him. and how much i miss emailing him about silly things, important things, things that are likely to start an argument...everything. we emailed each other nearly every day, a routine i desperately miss.
i still can't bring myself to erase his email from my contact list.

thanks to my awesome mom, i have jen lancaster's bright lights, big ass next on 'to read' list.
i've read it before, so no big surprises here.
it's fabulous - maybe even better than bitter :]

Sunday, June 6, 2010

the mennonite.

so i just finished mennonite in a little black dress.
it was not at all what i was expecting.
for one, i expected it to be funny (which it wasn't) and more 'memoir-y' (when really it read like a history book teaching about mennonite culture.)
the best parts were when she wrote about her mother, who she painted as far more interesting than herself.
the upsides? it wasn't a terribly long book. and i now know more about mennonites than i ever really cared to know. and it did have one or two lines that were funny.
all in all though - i wouldn't bother with it.
she's the type of writer that uses 12 works when 4 will do. drove. me. crazy.

next up, i'm reading spooky little girl by laurie notaro.
i started it last night - i was hooked in 5 pages.

Friday, June 4, 2010

the best season.

that, right there?
is precisely why i can never move away from oregon.
there is nothing (NOTHING) that compares to a juicy, sweet oregon strawberry.
and if you've never had one, you have no opinion on the deliciousness of said berry.
it's not your fault that you're wrong. they are just THAT good.

so much of my childhood is wrapped up in this little fruit.
my grandpa bob was a strawberry farmer all of my life (and well before that too.)
one of my fondest memories of him was that summer when he would come out to the field where i was working and sit and talk with me. and watch in amazement as i ate pound after pound of strawberries (i can pack them in, let me tell you.)

my dad shared this severe love.
and, since he grew up the son of a strawberry farmer, he could pick like a fiend.
my parents would always freeze a crap-ton of berries so that we could have fruit through the winter.
and my dad and i would go out and pick every single berry together.
we would have contests about who could pick the fastest (him) who could pick the most (him again) who could find the biggest berry (me) and who could eat the most (that was usually a tie.)
i complained about having to do it. and whined a lot during said picking since the strawberry plants left me with hives all over my arms (i'm allergic to the leaves.) but i always had fun with him.
and despite having to walk what seemed like miles with heavy bowls of fruit, i never passed up the chance to go picking with dad.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

the start of a good thing.

one of my goals this 23rd year is to read more books (note, i'm not making it a goal to watch less tv. i cannot resist its siren song. sidenote: how did i not realize how freaking awesome glee is?)
i have incredibly silly reading habits (like not being able to read a book without reading at least part of the ending first. it's a sickness, i tell you.)
and once i find an author i really love, i read everything they've ever written.
(see: my janet evanovich obsession. also, see: my patricia cornwell fixation.)
i don't know what it is...once i like something, i don't like to change i guess.
i just finished jen lancaster's latest (sighhh...i want to be her friend. maybe by saying it over and over it will come true?) and while i really enjoyed definitely wasn't my favorite.
it had it's 'laughing so hard i'm shaking the bed and nate's getting cranky at being woken up at midnight' moments.
but not nearly as many as her other books. (my personal fave is the first, bitter is the new black. so. freaking. funny.)
so that was a little disappointing.
but still, worth the read.

next up on the list: mennonite in a little black dress, by rhoda janzen.
i'm completely straying from my ways, since i have never read a sentence written by this woman.
i spotted it when i was in line at borders the other day and, after reading the description, decided i must read it.
i'll let you know how it goes (duh.)

Wednesday, June 2, 2010


i was supposed to be getting a new tattoo for my birthday this year (an homage to my dad.)
nate had even been socking away money for months to make sure it actually happened (because he can just be that sweet sometimes.)
but considering that i (and most of oregon) have forgotten what the sun even looks like because we've been getting so much rain, which in turn means that our lawn continues to grow without inhibition. take all that and throw a severly broken lawnmower into the mix, and houston - we have a PROBLEM.
so all that glorious birthday-tattoo money is going to something responsible.
in essence, i'm getting a lawnmower for my birthday.
yes, sometimes it truly does suck to be me.

that aside, here's to hoping that this 23rd year is going to be a good one.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010


i had an entirely different post for today, but after reading this i can't seem to get my mind off this boy and his family.
my heart absolutely aches for this woman who lost her son, her firstborn, her beautiful boy to the terrible illness that is addiction.
i hope their family will someday find peace with this loss.
and know that in telling their story, they are helping countless others how to not repeat their mistakes.
here's how you can help.

exhibit A.

proof that i actually do feed cash vegetables.