Saturday, October 8, 2011

confessions.



-- i wonder constantly if this tantrum throwing, little tyrant thing is just a phase or if i'm raising an unbelievable little brat.

-- i almost always lose my temper when cash is having one of his fits and i feel awful afterwards. one time, i was carrying him back to the house, trying to pin down his arms and legs so he couldn't flail when he kicked out really hard, causing my engagement ring to embed itself into the palm of my other hand. it took me so much by surprise that i let go of him and he fell right on his face. thankfully we were in the dirt and he didn't hurt himself, but i felt like the worst mother ever. when we got back to the house i shut myself in the bathroom and cried. those days i feel completely worthless and defeated.

-- we occasionally eat dinner in front of the tv, watching a movie.

-- cash will still only drink milk from a bottle (this is a HUGE one to admit.) because yes, he's three. and yes, he still has bottles. he refuses to give them up and i'm at a loss as to how to reason with him. frankly, any suggestions i've ever received regarding anything baby/child rearing related just hasn't worked for him. he's a different kind of kid and desperately needs an instruction manual.

-- i'm not trying to push him into potty training. at all. i'm ready to be done with diapers and he's just not. every time i attempt to push the subject, it always ends in tears. for both of us. if it means he'll be in diapers till he's 4, so be it.

-- i wait to wash the silverware until we run completely out of spoons, even though i wash dishes at least once a day. silverware is the worst.

-- i'm a compulsive list maker. i have them taped up all over the house.

-- i'm a surprisingly quiet person, a trait that cash has picked up on. there will be times where he and i will play together or work in the kitchen side by side in complete silence. it isn't until i look at the clock that i realize that neither of us has said a word out loud in an hour, both of us completely lost in our own thoughts and imaginations.

-- i'm completely inept at hiding my feelings. if i'm not feeling well, i'm surly and unreasonable. if i don't like you, you'll know it. i like to call it honesty. some people just call it being a bitch.

-- i find myself doing and saying things that my dad would more and more these days. its embarassing.

-- i'll never tire of looking through old family photos. never.

1 comment:

  1. I love you. You are the bestest and I love all these things about you. AND more and more I think Cash takes way too many cues from Bean...except he's not a fatty. :) Oh and we watch tv while eating dinner every night. sigh. AND I love you...did I say that already? You are pretty much the rad-est mom evah! and the kid aint bad either.

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