Monday, September 30, 2013

Remember when I said I wasn't going to post anymore? Lie.

Mostly because sometimes I just need more than 140 characters to get my point across, ya know?
So. Homeschooling. We've been at it for a month now and lots of people have been asking how it's going.
In a word?
It's HARD.
There are days when I have to leave the room to catch my breath and my sanity and I think...why am I doing this again? Wouldn't it be easier to let some poor teacher deal with teaching him his numbers? Well...yes, it would. Easier for me. But this isn't about me (I find myself repeating that a lot these days.) I want to do this (and am doing it) because I believe it is the best choice for my kids.
And every time Cash says something in a full sentence instead of garbled nonsense, I know - this IS right. Hard. Super hard. But right.
We have yet to have a day where he didn't dissolve into tears at some point. It will happen eventually, I'm sure of it. And there are a lot of days where it's a struggle to get him to even go into the school room, let alone actually participate. But there have been a few days that he has taken me into the school room on his own, before our scheduled time for the day, and he's been excited to work on things. And he's had a couple of light bulb moments that were incredible.
Right now we are just doing basics - my goal is to spend 10 minutes on math (he knows how to count to 20 but he doesn't recognize numbers AT ALL. Math is the reason he cries every day, bless his heart,) reading (phonics) and writing (we tried doing a letter each day but he just isn't coordinated enough for that. So during writing time he draws, just to help him get comfortable with holding a pencil correctly. It's his favorite part of the day) with the rest of our time devoted to art (he mastered scissors our second week and we're all about cutting and pasting right now) music, reading out loud and games.
Some days we do everything on my list.
Some days we struggle through our 3 subjects and quit for the day. I'm trying to keep my expectations reasonable and my impatience in check. It's a challenge.
In fact, most of what is hard about homeschooling (for me, at least) is staying patient and not losing my temper.
No big surprise where Cash gets his hotheadedness from. Or his stubbornness.
Which, MAN ALIVE is he stubborn. To the point where sometimes I'm just in awe at the level of commitment it takes to be that bullheaded. And the rest of the time I sort of want to wring his neck. (Hey mom - sorry I'm so stubborn. Like, really REALLY sorry.)
It's quite a blow to the ego to see some of your worst qualities reflected back at you in your child, who stubbornly refuses to tell you the answers when you know he knows them because you caught him MOUTHING THE ANSWERS TO HIMSELF when he thought you weren't looking. I think I may have popped a blood vessel that day.
It's not all bad, I swear. He has a gymnastics class once a week that he LOVES (if you follow me on Instagram, you know that the first few classes were rough. ROUGH. He doesn't like to listen and follow along - shocking, right?) Every week gets better - in fact, today was probably the best day he's had.
It was the best day for me too, for 2 reasons: I overheard one of the teachers saying, "Look at Cash! He's doing a headstand while everyone else lobster crawls. He's so funny. I like him." Oh that cheered my momma heart.
Then I had a conversation with one of the other moms about Cash, lamenting that he really struggles with following along with a group and generally just likes to do his own thing. And she said, "Well, this world needs people that don't follow the crowd." I could have hugged her.
And believe me when I say, Cash is that person.